


Stolen Money, Fish Tacos, and Phone Numbers

by ConstancePenman



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: AU, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bank Robbery, F/F, Fish Tacos and Beer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-15 11:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3445025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConstancePenman/pseuds/ConstancePenman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marian Hawke always had played the foolhardy hero. Maybe she should reconsider that life choice, but maybe she shouldn't, seeing as it was just that that got her flirting with the bank robber holding her hostage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stolen Money, Fish Tacos, and Phone Numbers

Hawke wondered briefly what she had done to get herself into this position. Kneeling on the floor in a semi-circle of hostages while a bank robber was sitting on the desk at her back was not what she had imagined when she had tried to stop the thief’s friend in the first place. She had always been a bit too heroic for her own good. Foolish, more like. Bethany had said it plenty of times, and Carver always backed her up. Why couldn’t Marian ever get it into her head that she didn’t always have to save the day? 

“So,” Hawke’s gaze darted up to the robber on the desk behind her, “come here often?” The woman was smirking now. She was wearing a blue bandana to pull her dark brown hair back away from her face, and her dark skin brought out her shining amber eyes. In short, she looked pretty much like Hawke had always imagined a bank robber would look like.

“Obviously not often enough.” Dear God, was she really flirting with the same woman who was not only currently robbing a bank but was also holding Marian hostage? Her standards really had lowered after the disastrous breakup with Fenris. “I’m Hawke. Although, you probably already know that.”

“Actually, I knew Marian. I assume Hawke is your last name?” 

She nodded.

“I’m Isabela. Nice to see such a lovely face in dire circumstances like these. It really is too bad we had to meet under these conditions.”

“You were the one who set up ‘these conditions,’” Hawke pointed out.

“Not exactly. It was really more of a co-op thing. Zevran and I do everything together. We go to the mall together, we go to the spa together, we rob banks and jewelry stores together, we go to the bedroom together…” Isabela laughed. “Oh, don’t look so sad. It’s just business. Now then, he always takes forever getting the money. He really is too dramatic for his own good. So…” she leaned off the edge of the desk towards Hawke, “we have some time to kill.”

“Mm… And how exactly are you planning on spending it?” Hawke decided to ignore the looks of abject horror on the other hostage’s faces. 

“Oh, I’m not sure. Any ideas?”

“Well,” Hawke thought for a moment, then said, “I haven’t quite eaten lunch yet.”

“What horror! We should get some food. Any requests?” Isabela looked around the half-circle.

“There’s a good Chile Burritos around here. Their fish tacos are delicious,” an unnamed hostage with green-ish gray-ish blue-ish eyes and pink hair suggested with a shrug.  
“Sounds good to me,” Hawke said, looking back at the woman who was still holding her hostage. Hawke couldn’t let herself forget that. 

“I’ll order some.” Isabela picked up the phone lying on the desk and dialed. “Hello, is this the police department? Yes, well, I’m currently robbing a bank—Yes, I’m robbing it. No, no, you don’t have to bother sending anyone over. There’s already plenty of police cars outside. Listen, I want you to go to Chile Burritos and get me and the hostages some fish tacos. We’ll need around,” she put her hand on the phone and quickly asked everybody how many they wanted, “twelve. Oh, and get us some beer while you’re at it. Thank you, bye!” She hung up.

“Did you really just call the police to order fish tacos?” the pink haired lady from before asked.

Isabela shrugged. “Eh, why not?”

“Because they might use it as an opportunity to shoot you or something?” another hostage more asked than answered.

“I’m better than that. I’ll send one of you guys out there!” Isabela smirked, knowing that that was a good idea. 

Thirty minutes later found everyone sitting in their semi-circle, eating fish tacos. ‘Zevran,’ Isabela’s accomplice that she mentioned every so often, had still not quite finished up. Because of this, Hawke had nothing to occupy her mind but her taco and this thought: she had been flirting with a criminal who was holding her hostage for the last thirty minutes.

To be fair, Isabela seemed like a generally nice person who just so happened to rob banks and the occasional jewelry store. Marian was enjoying talking to her.  
Now though, the thief was doing something on her phone. Hawke leaned back on the desk and crunched, hoping her thoughts would eventually organize themselves in some manner.

“Hawke?” Isabela started from her perch on the desk, “Are you tired?”

Marian paused for a second, then answered, “No, not particularly. Why?”

She could hear the smirk in the robber’s voice as she said, “Because you’ve been running through my head all night.”

“Um…”

“Hey, Hawke,” Isabela began again, “I’m gay, but you just turned me straight.”

“Isabela, you do realize we’re both girls, right?”

“Shush. Just go along with it. I’m bored and my only other option was friend fiction. Speaking of which, nice legs, when do they open?”

“Oh my god. I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Are you from McDonalds? ‘Cause I’m loving it.”

“Am I in hell?”

“Oh! Did you fall from heaven? Because so did Satan.”

“That’s not even a pick-up line.”

“Isabela?” Both women looked up to see the source of the voice. “I’ve finished. Are you ready to go, or would you like to use more awful pick-up lines on this poor young lady?”

Isabela smirked, because, as Marian was quickly realizing, that’s what Isabela did. “I’m ready. Oh, but just let me do one more thing.”

“As much time as you need. I believe the bathrooms are down the hall if you need them.”

Hawke saw how they were friends.

“Well,” she started, “it’s been nice talking to you.”

“You too. You know, would it be… Look, can I give you my phone number?” Isabela asked, getting off the desk.

“Oh! I mean… Yes, alright.” Marian honestly hadn’t expected this turn of events. She handed Isabela her phone, thought for a second about making a joke about hoping Isabela didn’t steal it, then decided against it. When she got her phone back, she gazed at it for a second before remembering that she was in a hostage situation that was just about to end.

“See you!” Isabela waved from the door frame, then left, money in hand.

And Hawke was already planning to call her later.

And she was surprisingly okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! This is my first ao3 fic, so I'll no doubt cower in shame about it years from now.


End file.
